Why is everything moving too fast in my 20s?
Jewyz Ann Bunyi
My queen mother Taylor Swift was right when she said, “I didn’t know who I was supposed to be at fifteen.” The funny thing, though, is I’m no longer 15, yet it still gives this sudden pang in my chest as if telling me to get working. So that’s what I am doing.
Being in my 20s is liberating. It is indeed a new chapter unfolding — full of vigor to achieve whatever is there to achieve, building my name despite barely navigating my way. But perhaps, I have gone too far. As a time-smitten person, a few have seen me trying to live up to unrealistic benchmarks I set up for myself, from doing complicated assessments within two hours to putting up a timeframe for where should I be in the next few years.
My fixation with time becomes an equivalent for self-validation. If I break to adhere to what has been planned and constructed, I feel like I’m being left behind, pressuring myself to keep up without slowing down. The passage of time accelerates threefold. Like a slingshot, it gives the sense that in the whole span of my 20s, I have to give my everything. Once it’s launched, life just flashes in front of me — the speed and momentum will make me lose sight of whatever there is to live.
Starry-eyed deadlines
“Life is a race. If you do not run fast, you will get trampled upon.”
This is one of the quotes from 3 Idiots I have always found interesting. While the majority of us have abandoned this notion, there are still occasions when we find ourselves competing with others — sometimes even ourselves — in order to live up to our standards. Not to mention the pressure society puts on our shoulders, we constantly urge ourselves to power through even though our knees are on the verge of crumbling. Life became a sprint as if everyone has a time bar above their heads showing what they had achieved at a certain age.
Virtual spaces emerge as platforms to flex one’s success. Dr. Olivia Remes, a mental health researcher from Cambridge University, pointed out that most aspirations now are more focused on fame, fortune, and popularity than they were decades before, which is in contrast to the objective being primarily family-oriented. In stark contradiction to the role models from decades past, everyone is pointing out how these idyllic lives don’t reflect reality.
Social media feeds us with the achievements of other people — we simply can’t help but compare ourselves with other people’s success. But in reality, we are not exactly drawn to what people have — the riches, awards, relationships, and validations — but at what age they obtained it. Talk about being young and well-off.
Truth be told, in my case, seeing fourth-generation K-pop groups flourish in the industry makes me question where I am at the moment. They are younger than me, yet they have already achieved a lot, whereas here’s me, showing off my three valid IDs. The thing is, I’m not a great singer or dancer, yet here I am, comparing myself to people who have completely different paths than mine.
It’s valid to feel insignificant, inferior, and conscious; to accept that our accomplishments will never compare to those of others. However, we must acknowledge that what we see on social media is just the tip of the iceberg. The process, constant punches at the wind, and dried-up tears are concealed behind the words “I made it.” Others even have to give up something to stand where they are now. We all have different definitions of success — being a well-known K-pop idol with sold-out shows is one, but it is not limited to that. Regardless of age, everyone’s journey has a tale to tell as they gradually achieve their own definitions of success. It didn’t happen overnight.
To better phrase that line: “Life is not a race, but a marathon.” We simply run at our own pace, not competing against each other.
Comparison makes us overlook the things we have. It is a rabbit hole filled with insecurities and unrealistic expectations. Our 20s spin way too fast when our world revolves around others. In hopes of slowing down, we lose track of what is ahead of us.
Lost in the oblivion of indecisiveness
Reality checks every now and then are magnifiers to identify and address inconsistencies. They give us the blessing to slow down when reality spins a bit too fast. As everything gets all bottled up, it just explodes all over the place, and we just don’t know which pieces to pick up first. A never-ending cycle of inquiry and procrastination in making decisions typically begins when an indecisive person slows down to process. In our 20s, tough decisions have to be made. These decisions are the dominos dictating the next few years ahead of us.
Quarter-life crisis is normal and inevitable. Feeling lost is not a sign of failure but a sign of redirection. As heavy as it sounds, making decisions is already part of our 20s. As much as I want to throw tantrums when things don’t go my way because of my perfectionist nature, letting go of the things that aren’t meant for me takes courage. Religious adherence to self-imposed expectations and societal pressure direct me to live life like a robot, burning the midnight oil to prove myself.
But when things take a sudden U-turn, I simply self-sabotage as a defense and it sounds bizarre. Feeling lost makes me feel more human, and being human makes me feel inferior. Indecisiveness is somehow innate in my nature, stemming from fear of failure, rejection, and lack of confidence. My own expectations and other societal factors overwhelm me by giving me responsibilities I am forced to do. To protect myself from further damage, I just push the button of self-destruction to get lost in the void. Merely existing but barely living. Robbed of the power and consciousness to think rationally. While the fleeting moments of floating in the void calm me, a seconds-worth pause volts me back to reality: what’s living without agonizing?
Indecisiveness doesn’t equate to failure. It’s actually a way just to keep life afloat, reevaluating past decisions and coming up with better alternatives to keep life out of the flatline. More choices mean more opportunities. It’s a heavy responsibility, especially if the choices are not just about your regular fast food orders. Nonetheless, tough verdicts may alter your life in the long run and for the better.
One’s 20s are not limited to building one’s own empire. It is also all about discovering new things that fit them better. It’s a closet full of endless possibilities. It’s an overwhelming sight, but it’s an avenue for growth.
Keep swimming. Meet up with other fishes in the sea, cross different oceans instead of following the same current, the same fish schools circling around the same corals. We don’t live in an aquarium for us to be caged into unrealistic time bounds and “age-appropriate” achievements in a pressure-cooking society.
