The not so flowery roads
by Aliah Basbas
This is some sort of advice and maybe a confession as well. You name it. You can pick whichever you think it actually is.
Right off the bat, I want you to realize that not all roads lead to a field of flowers, but not every road leads to a dark pit of nothingness either. Sometimes, it is inevitable to go through them. So when you do go through them, I hope you know that you are not alone.
You see, I did not know this and I don’t think any of us really do. When the big sad in the shape of a 100th feet wave washes over us, we find ourselves completely in the dark — a never-ending void with no exits, as if we are trapped underwater. And we feel scared, but that is okay.
I’m not an expert on these things, so please bear with me.
There will be days when the bed becomes a part of you and taking a step towards the living room suddenly becomes the hardest thing to do and that’s okay. At times there will be moments where you feel both the silence and the noise at the same time and you wouldn’t know what to do as your body becomes unreachable. And that is okay.
I want to carve in stone that feeling everything at once and not knowing how to deal with the sensation isn’t a crime. That crying at an inconvenience doesn’t make you weak. That being honest enough to admit that the world is too heavy for you to carry right now, is a certain type of strength that most people are constantly hiding. And that asking for help is the bravest thing that you can do.
We have spent so much time bottling up emotions that we were taught were wrong. “It’s all in your head,” they say. They’re right. They reside in our heads and that’s what makes them real. And they are real.
What I’m trying to say is, it’s okay to feel. On the road that doesn’t lead to a field of flowers, there are places where you can rest and take a breather. There are trees that come in the form of people who can make you feel safe. There are passages where you can find comfort in solitude. And there are circumstances when the big wave doesn’t even exist.
So when you feel like the sky will crash down or the walls of your room keep inching closer to you, feel the warmth of your hands, sit in silence, and try your best to hear the subtle thumping of your heartbeat, maybe count to ten as well. Before you know it, you have reached the end of the road.
And there, a scenery will greet you, making you realize that the best decision that you have ever made was to stay.
